Emotions: Messengers or Monsters?
“Emotions are not problems to be solved. They are signals to be interpreted.”
~ Dr. Susan David ~
Emotions Are Messengers, Not Enemies
From an early age, many of us were taught to hide our emotions—especially the uncomfortable or painful ones. As we grow into adulthood, we often carry this belief with us. So when emotions arise, our instinct is to avoid them, to push them down and pretend they’re not there.
But emotions don’t just vanish when we suppress them. In fact, the opposite happens: they grow stronger, gaining power until they show up in unexpected and often disruptive ways.
The shift we need to make is recognizing that emotions aren’t our enemies or something to fear. They’re actually signals—important indicators that something within us needs care, attention, and understanding.
Emotional Masks and Suits of Armor
In caregiving—whether for a parent, partner, child, or loved one—certain emotions can feel like unwanted intrusions. Anger, resentment, shame, grief... we often lie to ourselves about their presence. The discomfort of facing these emotions head-on pushes us to hide them, suppress them, or numb ourselves just enough to maintain the illusion that everything is “fine.”
But here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey—and what research confirms: avoiding our emotions doesn’t make them go away. It only buries them deeper, where they quietly begin to affect our physical and mental well-being in ways we may not even realize.
The Science Behind Emotions and the Body
Research shows that our emotional state has a direct impact on the immune, nervous, and endocrine systems. A 2019 study published in the journal Emotion found that people who were more accepting of their emotions experienced fewer negative psychological outcomes—even during periods of high stress. In other words, it’s not the emotion itself that causes us to suffer, but our resistance to it.
When we ignore or shame our emotions, we miss what they’re trying to tell us. And that message matters. It’s a signal that something is off, something needs care, something within us is asking to be seen.
Emotions Show Us What matters
When we consider how we’ve been socialized to view emotions—as irrational, excessive, or dramatic—it’s no wonder our default is to avoid, suppress, or react to them, rather than simply listen. But what if emotions aren't problems to fix, but signals to pay attention to?
When we begin to see emotions as internal cues, they become valuable messengers—guiding us toward our needs, boundaries, values, or unmet desires.
Anger might be signaling a boundary that’s been crossed.
Sadness could be pointing to something you’ve lost—or something that deeply matters.
Anxiety may be a nudge to slow down, pay attention, or reconnect with yourself.
“Every emotion has a story to tell if we’re brave enough to listen.”
~ Brené Brown ~
The Balancing Act Between Caregiving and Emotions
In caregiving roles—especially when the tasks feel endless and emotions are running high—it’s easy to override your own needs. You might find yourself thinking, “I don’t have time to feel this right now.”
But emotions don’t wait for the perfect moment. They don’t sit quietly in the background. Instead, they build—and eventually, they spill out. Sometimes in sarcasm, sometimes in exhaustion, resentment, irritability, or quiet bitterness.
I know this firsthand. I spent years believing that if I just stayed ahead of everything—did more, cared more, fixed more—I could somehow avoid the pain.
But in trying to outrun the hard feelings, what I really bypassed was myself—my own well-being, my emotional truth.
Eventually, all the emotions I had pushed down came crashing through. And now, I'm learning—every day—to face them with honesty, to feel instead of ignoring, and to reconnect with what’s going on inside rather than running from it.
The Shift: From Enemy to Ally
It’s surprising how tightly we cling to the belief that admitting our emotions is a sign of weakness. Beneath that fear is a deeper worry—that if we’re truly seen, we’ll be judged as not enough.
But the greatest gift we can offer ourselves, and those around us, is the courage to feel with honesty and set judgment aside.
Get curious. Learn to interpret the language of your emotions. Shift away from the idea that feelings make you weak, dramatic, or selfish. Instead, recognize them as signals—ways your inner world is trying to communicate what matters, what’s needed, or what’s been ignored.
When we begin to see emotions as allies, not enemies, we give ourselves permission to feel without fear.
Try replacing, “I shouldn’t feel this” with “What is this feeling trying to tell me?”
Learning How to Let the Messenger Speak
The next time you feel an emotion rising, instead of pushing it away, try to:
Pause – Take a breath and notice what you're feeling without judgment.
Name It – Give the emotion a name: “I feel sad,” “I feel overwhelmed,” “I feel angry.”
Ask It – Gently ask: “What are you trying to show me?”
Honor It – You don’t have to act on the feeling, just acknowledge it. Let it be heard.
New Insights
You don’t have to carry everything you’re feeling in silence.
You don’t have to pretend to “have it all together” all the time.
You don’t have to fear your feelings.
You do need to start listening — without judgment — trusting that every feeling has something to say.
