Broke or Beauty? Embracing the Cracks that Made You Stronger

Broke or Beauty? The Power of Words

I recently showed the doodle above to a handful of people and asked a simple question:
“What do you see when you look at this?”

Every response focused on the same thing—the rips, the tears, the cracks.
Then I asked, “What can you tell me about the girl?”
Again, the answer was unanimous: She’s broken.

Not one person mentioned the beautiful gold paint holding her together.

We’ve all felt that way—emotionally, mentally, even physically shattered. Maybe it was the job we didn’t get, the relationship that fell apart, or the life we thought we’d be living by now. In those moments, the words we use—especially the ones we say to ourselves—matter. They can be salt in the wound… or gold in the cracks.

So here’s the question:
Are you broken… or are you becoming something more beautiful?

Let me give you a visual for what this internal tug-of-war looks like—the struggle between seeing ourselves as damaged or as transformed. The image? It comes from two ancient Japanese philosophies: Kintsugi and Wabi-Sabi.

Stick with me. I want to show you that you do have a choice in how you interpret your story. Think of this as an invitation to reframe how we look at our scars, and more importantly, how we speak about them.

But first, let’s talk about why we’re so quick to label ourselves “broken” in the first place.

Why We See the Cracks Before the Gold: A Glimpse into the Brain

Our brains are wired to notice threats more than beauty—a phenomenon called the negativity bias. It’s a trait we inherited from our ancestors from long ago that once helped us survive, alerting us to danger faster than pleasure or reward.

• The amygdala, our brain’s fear center, is more active when we process negative stimuli. In fact, research shows it reacts more strongly to criticism than to praise.

• Negative information is also processed more thoroughly than positive, which means we ruminate more on what’s wrong than what’s right.

• Psychologists have found that it takes about five positive interactions to offset the emotional weight of one negative. That’s how powerful our bias toward brokenness can be.

So, when you find yourself focusing on what fell apart, rather than what is being built—you’re not weak. You’re not broken. You’re human.

But here’s the empowering part: with awareness and intention, we can shift that lens. Language, philosophy, and mindset can rewire our experience of reality.

Kintsugi: The Art of Golden Repair

Kintsugi is a traditional Japanese art form where broken pottery is repaired using gold, silver, or platinum. Instead of hiding the cracks, Kintsugi illuminates them. The damage becomes part of the object’s history, not a flaw to hide, but a feature of strength to honor.

Imagine if we saw our personal setbacks the same way.

When we say, “I’m broken,” we tell ourselves a story of loss and failure.
When we say, “I’m healing, and the cracks are making me more unique,” we step into a story of resilience and transformation.

The difference? Just a few words.
The result? A completely different relationship with ourselves—and even with our stress.

Wabi-Sabi: Finding Beauty in Imperfection

Wabi-Sabi is finding the appreciation and beauty in imperfection of the imperfect. It’s the cracked teacup, the fading paint, the moment that doesn’t go to plan but still holds meaning.

More than ever, we live in a culture obsessed with perfection — flawless skin, anti-aging everything, ideal lives. Wabi-Sabi, however, reminds us that the unpolished parts of life are often where true beauty and connection lie.

Instead of saying:
“This didn’t go how I wanted.”
Try:
“This experience was messy and real—and that’s okay.”

Shifting our mindset in this way can lighten the emotional burden we place on failure or discomfort. When we begin to focus on what we do have, rather than what we lack, we ease the pressure that comes from chasing unrealistic ideals.

Words Matter: Language as Emotional Architecture

The way we label our experiences shapes how we feel them. Consider:

“I failed” vs. “I learned.”
“I’m a mess” vs. “I’m in a season of growth.”
“This is unbearable” vs. “This is tough, but temporary.”

Neuroscience tells us that the language we use changes how the brain processes emotion. Positive reframing activates areas in the prefrontal cortex, helping us regulate fear and stress responses. What we repeat becomes belief and belief becomes our emotional reality.

So, the stories you whisper to yourself throughout the day? They’re not just words.
They’re building the house you live in.

What Now? How to Ease Stress and Dissatisfaction

Here are a few ways to apply the philosophies of Kintsugi and Wabi-Sabi when life feels heavy:

1. Name the Gold
When something breaks in your life identify what insight or strength is being formed in the crack. Ask: What is the gold here?

2. Embrace the Rough Edges
Practice looking at imperfections in your day or in yourself with gentleness. Not everything needs to be “fixed.” Some things are beautiful because they’re real.

3. Choose Your Inner Dialogue
Notice your words. Are you using language that labels you as broken, behind, or not enough? If so, rewrite those narratives. Use words that hold space for possibility and softness.

4. Appreciate the Moment
Wabi-Sabi teaches us to honor the ebb and flow of life. Stress often comes from trying to hold onto things too tightly. Instead, acknowledge that everything, good or bad, is a moment passing through.

5. Create Visual Reminders
Place a cracked object on your desk. Write a quote about imperfection on your mirror - “Cracks let the light in”. These symbols can remind you that your cracks are not just okay, they're sacred signs of growth and strength.

YOU Are the Art

When life leaves you thinking you’re broke, remember YOU get to choose the narrative.

You can call it broken.
Or you can call it becoming.

Through the lens of Kintsugi and Wabi-Sabi, we see that nothing is truly ruined. It’s simply re-formed.

The next time you feel the weight of not being where you thought you'd be, or the sting of something falling apart, pause.

And ask yourself:
Is this broke?
Or is this the beginning of something new and beautiful?